Overall I think I have a pretty good attitude for life and all these changes that have suddenly happened it in. Ending my marriage, moving back to Canada, running my own business and living life have been busy to say the least however I do think overall I'm managing it well. Sometimes I wish I was a little more depressed so perhaps I'd lose those 10lbs everyone seems to lose on the verge of a break-up or divorce!!
But seriously, I was out for dinner with my two best girl friends last week and both of course are concerned for me always (which I love because I know they love me tons) but I as always reassured them that I am fine. I choose to find the good things out of this such as getting to have a first kiss again with someone and the butterflies of falling in love again - I hope so anyways!! It is weird to think of moving on - I think it's like why you learn to drive when you are 16 and why you date in your 20s - because you feel fearless. Now I worry of how I will find someone new but also how do I know they aren't some adulterous axe murderer.... I mean why are they single???
At least once a day I say the serenity prayer to myself - it's just something that gives me comfort and reassures me that I can do get through anything as long as I have courage. Today I found the above quote because there are days that courage doesn't roar but you have to dig deep to find it and just find hope in tomorrow.
I allow myself to cry and be mad a little bit but I really find no use in being angry about things that happen in life. There are things beyond our control and we have to accept that - I think people get angry because they can't give up that control. Now, I know what you are thinking (those that know me) because I really am your Type A control freak & organization queen.... but in overall life terms I think I'm pretty good at going with the old adage that "what will be, will be". I give in to the idea that there is a master plan and I pick and choose between knowing what I can control and what is beyond me.
So yes there are times when I miss having someone to say good night to and yes I still sleep on my side of the bed rather than down the middle and sometimes I worry about where my life is going. And when I can't hear courage roaring inside me, I just dig a little deeper and wait for tomorrow.