15 April 2011

The road ahead....

I'm back from vacation - slightly browned and ready for the road ahead.  

It's been only 5 days that I have been without my computer but I have been itching to write so I warn you that this post may be quite lengthy!  I tried to write while away but really it's not easy to journal sitting at the beach - my hands were very slippery from the sunscreen and the salt water of the ocean and plus  it made me look really geeky to be writing and not relaxing... I did manage to organize a few thoughts but I apologize in advance for the multitude of posts, the upcoming rambling of words and spewing of ideas.  

Five days in the sun always helps with perspective - just time alone with your thoughts to process and move forward.  I quite honestly could have done with a few more days but unfortunately owning your own business doesn't allow for many lengthy vacations without access to email.   I'm now back home with Ruby cuddled to my side (she won't let me out of her sight!), bags unpacked (mostly!), and laundry washing (everything always smells of mexico).  I will post again with a few pics from our trip however I warn you that they will mostly all be about food, which you may have already realized is usually my favourite part of most days.  

Here is another something you may have garnered about me - I like quotations.  I subscribe to an email that sends me a positive note each day or an uplifting photo in hopes to inspire happy thoughts.  Some days I search out quotes that help me express what I'm thinking.  Today, this one struck a chord with me - "It's not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain" I think it's because I've been thinking so much lately about making the conscience choice to find the positive even in the dreariest situations. 

And then I read this "Right now there are millions of people wishing they had exactly what you do, no more, and a lot less even. May we all spend more time being grateful and a lot less time complaining about what we have not" which is also very true.  

I realized, and have come to terms with the fact, that I am mourning the dream of the future I planned on.  It doesn't mean that what I want out of life will not ever be, it just means that my plans have changed.  I have to now have faith that they have changed for the right reasons and that I will find the next right path.  There are many people I would never have met or loved or been inspired by had I not met, loved and married T.  I would not even be close to the person I am now and I like the girl that I am so I'm pretty glad that life has led me where it has.  Sometimes I have to remind myself to be appreciative and to yes give myself the time to mourn the dream, but also to find the courage to dream a new dream, to lay the new path and hopefully to find new love.  

The way I see it is that when faced with challenges and adversity, we have choices. We can make the best of the situation or focus on the negative.  We can resist the change or accept the reality.  So much of our suffering comes from continuing to resist what is. Life does not move in a straight, perfect line. It is messy and painful and wonderful and curious.  The joys don’t come from having it all and it all being perfect. The joys come from learning how to be present enough in our lives so that we see and appreciate what and who is around us, even when it’s broken and imperfect.  

No one has the perfect life. We are all struggling in our own ways and it's true, there probably is someone out there who has had a much crappier go of it than I have. Someone who wishes to have a loving family, supportive friends, a successful business and a healthy body.   I truly like who I am.  I am adventurous and optimistic. I'm organized, dedicated, creative and thoughtful.   I am curvy and imperfect and I love to make people laugh.  I am honest and hard-working and I wear my heart on my sleeve.  And I'm happy being me. 

So I've loved and lost - who hasn't? I admit that it isn't something that I ever dreamed would happen but it has and it's reality and it's time to move forward.  I was lucky to have given my heart to someone and to have gained amazing family and friends that I would otherwise missed out on.  The past decade has had many great memories and those are what I need to be grateful for.   It's not about waiting for the storm to pass but it is about finding the courage to make the best of every situation and to dance in the rain.  And given my love of rainboots, I very well may look stylish while doing so!

5 comments:

  1. Hey - what size shoes do you wear? :)

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  3. why? are you sending me some shoes ;) 9 usually

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  4. Haha I was gonna but the ones I got are not size 9! I bought some STYYYYLISH rain-boots, and they are way too big for me but I can't return them! these ones say size 6-7, but I'd call them 7.5 .. :)
    Ever heard of Däv boots? This is what I got:
    http://www.davrain.com/index.php/english-butterfly-slate-rain-boot-967.html
    (but for a screamin deal)

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  5. adorable! I have a love affair with hunter boots but I usually wear an 8 in rainboots.... not sure I could stuff myself into a 7.5!! thanks though!! xo

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