29 May 2011

Insomnia

seriously...it's 12:45am and I cannot fall asleep.  


Apart from the echoing booms of the Detroit Electronic Music Festival that at times is slightly rattling my windows all the way over here in another country, I don't know why I can't fall asleep.  Maybe I've finally inherited the family trait that affects most of the women in my family...the inability to sleep.  I don't understand is having my mother's chin not enough, now this? My whole life has always been - head on pillow, eyes shut, off to lala land - asleep.  Quick and easy.  On the rare occasion that I couldn't fall asleep, a few minutes of having someone rub my back and I'm all set.  Now I love Ruby to death and it's pretty cozy when she curls up with me but I can't seem to convince her to rub my back or tell me a story so really she's not much help.  Here's the time when a husband is pretty handy. 


I'm pretty independent - It's a blessing and a curse.  I own my own set of power tools, I know how to use them.  I've fixed my own toilet, tiled my own backsplash, installed an overhead light and a myriad of other odd jobs.  There are a few things however I don't enjoy and/or that I'm afraid of where again, a husband always came in handy.  I don't cut the grass - It was one of our tradeoffs when we first got married and now that I'm in my own place, well that is not going to change.  That is what neighborhood teenagers are for.  Now I don't admit defeat or fear often but I will come clean with this - I don't light the BBQ.  I did once - years ago when Tim was at work late and I nearly singed every eyebrow/lash off my face.  There was a huge "woosh" and flame and I jumped back quick as I could and have not made the attempt again since.  We do have a BBQ here however I'm not yet brave enough to attempt that again. 


With all of my belongings about to land back here in Canada and my apartment starting to take some shape, it's a weird feeling to be starting over, to say the least.  I think I experienced the "runners low" after the Kalamazoo 1/2 - it was my first milestone accomplished on my own.  Though elated with my new PR, there was just this let down afterwards that it was over.  I hated my outfit (of course!), I was mad that I couldn't have pushed more and going through the pictures, I was mad that I didn't look up at the finish.  My runs have not been great since then but a new month is soon upon us and it's time to look forward.  It's time to make a training schedule to get ready for Detroit this fall - I need a goal and I need focus otherwise I just wander like I did these past few weeks.  I guess I need to cut myself a little slack and realize all these changes are going to take time to sink in.  I need to stop focusing on the good-byes.  I need to get ready to say hello - to new people, new adventures, and hopefully new loves....and new bbq lighters ;) 







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