30 July 2011

my charlotte.....

In preparation for tomorrow's Warrior Dash I opted for a quiet night in with Miss Ruby and we spent the evening chilling and watching Sex in The City - The Movie.....yet again.  I think it's pretty common for any woman around my age group to have identified with this lovely show and most likely feel a draw towards at least one of the characters most resembling themselves.  I'm not sure who I would be - honestly probably a mixture of all of them. However, in my current state of affairs, I guess I do lean a bit towards Carrie although I certainly do not have her waistline and could likely only pull off about half of her outfits! 

So watching tonight makes me yet again count my blessings for the amazing friendships that I have in my life.  Kindred spirits that pick you up through the challenges, glow with pride when you succeed, worry for you when you struggle and laugh their tails off when you "pekoupsie" in your pants! Each time I watch this movie, my heart breaks and I feel tears come from somewhere deep down, when Carrie gets out of the car and beats Big with her bouquet and screams "I am humiliated!"in a way that anger comes out of you & you can hardly breathe.  She turns to her Charlotte and holds on so tight, in almost that she will break if she lets go. The look in Charlotte's eyes when she is protecting Carrie, glares at Big and screams "No".  That fierceness, that anger, that love for her friend - it's safe to say that everyone needs a Charlotte.  

My Charlotte's name is Jessica.  I love her with every bit of my heart for the way that she loves me with this same fierceness.  This tiny, little pixie of a woman is stronger than anyone double her size. She has been my heart since we first met in Grade 8 - I believe I was wearing red jeans (the Carrie side of me!). It was at a church dance and I'm pretty sure I was the loudest & most obnoxious one there.  Not much has really changed in that sense.  When T & I separated and I confided in her what was happening before I had the guts to tell anyone else, she cried along with me and told me I'd be ok.  And I'm pretty confident that she cried for a bit after and worried for me non-stop. A few months ago, she phoned me to tell me how proud she was of me - of my strength, my tenacity and my positive outlook.  She told me that no matter what the issues were that this was for the best - that she could see all the good things in me shining and that I looked beautiful & healthy and that I was exactly where I was supposed to be. Then, a few weeks ago I got the fiestiest email from her, all fired up over the whole situation and she had found my divorce theme song!! The email contained not only the video & a link to the full lyrics, but a whole lotta love, (including a few f-bombs) and I quote her, "all fired up!!" about good things ahead. 

I'm pretty sure that as Charlotte thought of the perfect opening line to say to Big (I curse the day you were born!), Jess has her own choice words that she has dreamt in her head to say to T one day.  There really are a million and one things I could tell you about her - she is an amazing mother, a great teacher, the more beautiful half of a great couple (sorry John!), and most importantly, she's just overall full of wonderful.  She's my Charlotte - standing up for me while at the same time holding me up, giving me the strength to keep standing, head held high and facing forward.  She's small but mightly and she'd kick your ass to defend me and everyone else that she loves. She & the kids call me and leave messages on my phone (that I continually save and play over and over when I need a pick me up).  She says "I love you" before we hang up the phone which warms my heart everytime.  She's the one crying & singing at the top of her lungs to Beyonce while driving because that's how much she loves me.  

So tonight, as I head to bed, I fall asleep thankful. Thankful for my Charlotte.  I love you Jess xo 

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