11 July 2011

The view from here

This post has taken me over a week to write! I don't know why - I'm not offering any life-shattering advice or coming up with insanely funny shit like Beyonce the metal chicken.  It's just been a busy week! So the weekend before last was July 1st, the 144th birthday of Canada.  It would have also marked the 11th anniversary of when I first met T.  I wasn't really looking forward to the date as i spent the prior week unloading boxes of my former life.  I guess I can expect that as the 'first' of everything goes by that it won't ever feel great but that in a way, each first will be one step closer to moving forward. And as much as I worried that it would be a hard date to deal with, it actually ended up as pretty close to perfect as you can get.  I spent the weekend in cottage country with friends and was able to just sit back, relax and reflect on pretty much everything.  It's almost amazing the kind of clarity one can get looking out at this beautiful view, with the sun warming your skin  and the sound of laughter filling your heart. Since I grew up with camping as our annual vacation, being in the woods really does make it feel like summer has arrived and that all is right with the world.  For once, I may not have the words to describe just how perfect the day was but here is a recap.  

As always, I am the first one up in the cottage so I am in charge of coffee, though usually I've finished off half the pot before anyone else joins me! I pulled my legwarmers on, grabbed my notebook and took my mug down to the dock before the rest of the world awoke. After a few yoga poses to get the blood flowing, I just relaxed to enjoy this view and then let the words escape my mind and fill the pages of my notebook. On days like that I felt like I could write forever.  It was like I was at the perfect spot that I needed to be, to take a moment to just reflect and try to figure out what I want going forward.  (Let it be said that my next prince charming would do well to have his own cottage and boat somewhere in the Muskokas!!) The dragonflies were my only friends out there with me and they welcomed the sunrise along side me. One by one, others awoke and breakfast was made and then were were all on the dock.  Kids jumping in and splashing, books being read and laughing - lots and lots of laughing. Every time Hassan took the boat out, I was on it.  I totally fell in love - sitting in the front (I'm sure there is some tech. term for it) with the wind whipping my hair and the water splashing up and the world just hushed by all these trees around us.  Then there was tubing - I WISH we had thought of video taping that segment of the day as I almost a. cried b. crapped my pants and c. lost said pants (ok really I did lose my pants but I managed to grab them and put them back on before the boat swung around to pick me up!! Thank GOD! There was a moment where I was laughing and screaming because I was simutaneously loving it and fearing for my life!  The best part was when I got back in the boat and Hassan told me that he had the throttle all the way down and couldn't believe I held on.  Great!  Later that day when more friends arrived we went for a more docile tour of the lake and as I sat there I realized that being there, in that moment, I was changed for the better.  Here I was with friends - some I have known for over 15 years - enjoying my country and my freedom, in beautiful weather with great food and even greater memories.  I was the lucky one.   I know I will fall in love again and I know I will have the fairy tale that I've always imagined but moments and friendships like this, you can't get again later in life.  You just have to treasure them.  These are people that you have grown with and loved and shared so many life moments with.  They've seen me at my best and my worst and love me all the same.  They are like family - which is truly one of the best gifts in the world.  

So as we gathered around the campfire that night and attempted to trick others with "black magic", gazed at the stars using Hassan's ipad to determine which constellations we were looking at, and listened to the grown men teaching themselves how to play the acoustic guitar while attempting to sing along, a peace settled in to my heart.  I'm still happy - despite it all - my heart is still happy and grateful and looking ahead. 

No comments:

Post a Comment