14 February 2012

my cup runneth over....

Truth be told, last week I struggled with the whole idea of Valentines day.  I'm not sure if it was the grey weather or hormones but I had this overwhelming feeling like I was missing out on something by not having that "special someone" in my life this year.  For a moment there I just got sucked in to thinking about what I was missing from my life, rather than focusing on the amazing and lovely people I carry in my heart.   

For a while I was hesitant of Valentines because I do think that it is a day, like Christmas, where you can get swept up in the commercialism of it.  It's not a day about flowers or gifts or chocolates (though, truth be told I'll happily accept any of the aforementioned!!) but rather it's a day to do something extra nice for someone in your life.  To tell someone that they are in your heart and that you care for them - that could be a parent, a sibling, a cousin.  It could be a niece or nephew, a new friend or someone who's been in your life forever.  Or in my case also the chef and server at the restaurant where I get my morning coffee who I lovingly dropped cupcakes off to this morning!  My family and friends fill my heart with love and with gratitude everyday but it is nice to have Valentines as an extra-special day to remember to share that love back with them.  The way I look at it is like this - I love my mom & my dad every day but that doesn't mean that I don't also take an extra special moment to celebrate them on Mother's Day or Father's Day.  So though we should all try to carry love in our hearts everyday, perhaps we can use Valentines to just go a bit above and beyond and remember to share that love. 

Today also marks the last of the "firsts" which I'm sure was inadvertently part of my blues leading up to this day but also makes me finally feel at peace.  Truly, from the depth of me, I am happy and I am content.  I feel like I am living the life I'm meant to and though I'm not sure still of where I would like to end up or whom I may end up loving, I know that I'm walking the right path. I'll get there eventually.  I am ready to open my heart again - it may have been bruised but it has mended.  I am certainly stronger for every trial this last year has brought me and perhaps even more loving and appreciative of the best yet come. One year ago today, I took myself to the airport in Helsinki and boarded a plane to return to Canada. I ended one adventure in my life and took those first few scary steps in to this new chapter.  It's almost hard to believe that it's been a year already.  It's been a heck of year but it's now finally complete. First anniversaries over, first single birthday, first Christmas & New Years, first steps as a single woman yet again.  Heart a little crumpled but stronger and more confident. It's not always easy - there are weeks like last week when the skies were grey and the world felt lonely.  I may not have a romantic love to celebrate this year, but I will again.  I know I will and that makes me look forward to the future.  

I realize that Valentines Day has been special to me in the past - my parents used to not only celebrate their love for each other but for R & I as well.  In fact, I remember a certain Tom Cruise, Top Gun poster that graced my walls after one Valentines long ago.  (Before I had a height requirements for crushes that is!!) Celebration of Valentines has kind of fallen to the wayside for the past decade or so but I've decided that rather than becoming that "single-girl Valentines day scrooge", that I would embrace it once again.  I have so much love in my life and though I am grateful for it each and every day, I will take today to be extra nice! Through all of this, I've come to realize that I'm a big, old, romantic sap and I'm ok with it.  I embrace it! What is life without the love that we share? In yoga on Sunday, after the final pose, we opened our eyes to a little chocolate heart on our mat and the reminder from our teacher to send love out in to the universe and to do something special for those who we carry in our hearts.  And yes because I am my mother's daughter, I chose to bake that love in to something special for those who I'll be seeing today.  I am, most certainly, a lover.  I wear my emotions on my sleeve and I'm ok with it.  Better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all.  Once you are in my life I tend to keep hold of you in my heart.  If you are hurt or scared, I will be holding you close in my heart and sending you healing thoughts.  If you are happy or excited I will cheer along side you.  I will be carrying your heart in my heart. And today, I've come to realize that I'm happy. My heart is full. 

My cup runneth over. 

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