15 April 2013

prayers for Boston

There are a lot more people in my prayers this evening as my heart aches for those in Boston.  My heart aches for all of us - in a world where such senseless violence takes place and where people, children, lose their lives because of a coward.  As with many things in life,  you can't fully understand something until you have gone through it.  Unless you are a long distance runner, it will be hard for you to understand the sacredness of the finish line and the prestige of running Boston.  It doesn't matter how many races I've done but I can tell you that each time I cross the finish line - knowing that my body and my mind are both equally spent - I cry.  I am overcome with emotion that I did it, that I pushed myself physically and mentally and made it over that finish line.  There comes a time during the race where it becomes a race within yourself.  When physically your body is telling you to stop and you have to rely on your head to convince yourself to push through - run harder - don't quit.  The runners who qualified for Boston are amongst the best in the world - they are an elite group of men and women who worked hard, sacrificed and pushed themselves to get to this historic race.  There is no reason for this type of violence to occur - let alone in the last few hundred metres of the race where finishers should be celebrating and crying tears of triumph.  

Next month I will venture back to NYC to attend a trade show in lower Manhattan.  I'd be lying if I said I wasn't feeling emotional about this return.  It's been over 11 years since I was last there on 9/11 but as I start to think of going back, it has brought to light so many of the feelings that still remain within me.  I'm not fearful of anything happening again while I'm there but I do think it will be an emotional return.  I'd like to see the memorial site and hopefully find peace, forever grateful that my name is not amongst those that perished.  Today's events brought back the feelings that we went through that day and in the days following 9/11.  The sound of all the sirens.  Seeing people bloody and dazed, laying in the streets and chaos all around them.  People running, people trying to help.  The unsettling notion that other explosions could still be planned to later detonate - fearing that your life is still, in a way, in jeapordy.  Again, it's not an emotion that I can really describe - honestly I don't really want anyone else to have to know that feeling.  

All I can do is say an extra prayer tonight and hopefully put more good into the universe than the bad that rears it's ugly head.  For those that made it out unscathed and unharmed today, be grateful and know that it's ok to be grateful.   Runners know that hard is what makes it great.  Running in the rain and snow, getting up at 5am to get to a race, losing a toenail or having blistered feet - the hard makes runners special.  We are kindered (or crazy) spirits.  We run because it's who we are.  I run because it clears my head, because it makes me conscious of my own strength, because it makes me a happier me.  I know it's not good for my knees or my hips but it's good for my heart - physically and emotionally.  To all the runners, especially to those not able to finish, you are amazing and I am sorry that this triumphant moment was taken from you by senseless violence.  To those who lost their lives or who were injured - you didn't deserve this.  You were there out of love and support.  Please know that I will keep you in my prayers.  It should have been all happy tears today at the finish line. May you all eventually find peace and heal.  xo 

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