18 December 2014

the journey....

Meeting new people along their journey tends to make me feel introspective.  Or possibly it is simply the season that invokes my urge to reflect on how much has changed over the past few years.    The girl that returned to Canada just about 4 years ago was a completely different person than the woman I am now.  I am definitely a better, stronger version of my younger self and even with every bit of heartache I wouldn't change my path for a second.  

After all, now I know much more about how I want to spend each precious moment that I've been blessed with.  I know how I want to love and be loved.  I am confident in myself in ways that I would never have been without this experience. I am stronger because I have fallen & picked myself up. I am more whole because I was once broken. 

I meet people who are struggling with the part of moving on that is "letting go" and allowing others in. I once read that it's not the the grief of the situation but of letting go of the idea we have in our heads for how our lives should be that is hardest of all.  To admit defeat in the way of a relationship not working out or a job change or a move back home is difficult.  It's humbling in a way that, until you experience it, you simply can't appreciate it.   I remember that first god-awful date that I went on when I had to admit that I was "divorced" and how scared I always was to say that word to someone coming into my life.  They would know that I failed.  Would they question why? Was I a horrible wife? Would they want to be with me? What was "wrong" with me? 

But getting that word out was simply another step on the journey.  I've come to learn and accept that I am not "divorced".  I am single.  I was previously married.  But being divorced is not who I am.  This is what I struggled with most of all - how I defined myself now that I was starting over.  Certain life events do not "make" us - how we move on after those events are truly how we are defined.  It is simply about the journey.  

I know what I want out of life more so because I now know what I do not want. I feel like I am better at loving because of the fact that I have loved and lost.  I am more accepting of others and their journeys because I know that life isn't perfect and it doesn't always work out as we plan.  I'm more forgiving of people's faults because I have seen them in myself. 

It's interesting how certain experiences in our life make us appreciate that we all have our own challenges and our crosses to bear. All we can do as we walk this path is be kind to those around us, hold the hand of those who are struggling and accept that we are all on this journey together.  

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