29 May 2015

why online dating is bad for your ego....

I'm not sure what they used to say to single people in times of "pre-internet dating" but I feel like as soon as someone hears that I am solo, the first thing out of their mouths is "Have you tried online?" Or they begin with "Oh don't worry, I'm sure you'll find someone". To all those who were single when I was married, if I ever said that to you I sincerely apologize. 

First it bothers me because it implies that I am desperate to find someone. Like I am sitting at home every night just wondering about when Prince Charming will come for me and save me from a life of loneliness.  Would I love to find someone to share adventures with and raise a family with, yes of course.  Will my life be unsatisfying or incomplete without it... I don't really know.  Besides the ever so rare "why doesn't anyone love me and all these other crazy girls have someone" moments of weeping into a jar of vanilla icing, I am content with my life. 

Online dating is not easy.  It's comparable to a full time job if I'm honest.  The times that I have tried it (yes I have given into this craze on a few occasions to satisfy those who love me) it was a lot of work.  First there is the survey, then the profile, then finding pictures to put online that are cute yet well-rounded and then taking the leap and going live with it.  Weeding through messages, replying, analyzing their profies and their answers blah blah blah....... Then you find someone who is EXACTLY what you want - cute, fun loving, active etc and you agonize over what to say to seem cute and witty yet not overly desperate and then.... you get nothing in return.  It's like setting yourself up to have your ego stepped on over and over again.

Recently one of my besties began to lecture me on the subject again and here was conundrum: Quality vs Quantity. Sure you could get 100 messages in an hour but 98 of them are from people who a. live outside of Canada b. do not speak with proper grammer c. there is no physical attraction to or d. all of the above.  I'm not a picky person - by nature I'm pretty laid back and easy going and usually it's someone's personality that draws me in before looks have much to do with it.  But there has to be something! Some sort of spark or look or witty humour.... And usually that kind of thing isn't well communicated via the world wide web.  That's what happens in person.. You meet a "friend of a friend", you see someone across the bar/restaurant, or you find a connection with someone through work.  A real life, 3-dimensional person to whom you can have a 5 minute conversation with to cover what usually take 12 back and forth via texting messages! 

I think that a lot of people have found great matches on there and truth be told it's hard to meet people in person too but at some point you have to get out from behind the screen and meet and see if there is any potential for a relationship.   You can't rely on cyber space to find you love ... you can only rely on yourself and possibly a few well intentioned friends/family.  My outlook is that I cherish having great people in my life and I do not think that I will be alone forever - that someone great is right around the corner who will love all my little crazy parts.  However I meet him I just allow myself to remain open and focused on being content with my life and when it's the right time, we will find each other.  In the meantime, I'm going to use the Internet for Pintrest-ing recipes, porn, and online shopping like most - single or taken! 

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