20 June 2015

Guts & Grace

One of the things I've discovered lately is that we can't change people.  

I know there are some people who look at me and my rose coloured glasses and wonder if I ever come out of the clouds.  There are others who see the very serious and introspective part of me that questions things - looking to find a way to use the meaning to grow myself.  I look at the myriad paths and wonder where they will take me, whom I will meet along the way and what will guide me.  

I have been trying to put the focus back on myself alot lately.  I've become a part of the local Moksha hot yoga studio community and I signed up for my first ever Grow Your Yoga - 30 day Challenge.  It was, to say the very least, a very active month! May is usually the City Wide cleanse that annually Dr Natasha puts on for the City of Windsor.  One week of clean eating is the norm but this year I decided to give it a two week effort in addition to going Meatless for the month of May as my personal contribution to the Challenge.  There were many moments after dinner where all I wanted to do really was put on my sweats and curl up with the animals on the couch but instead I changed into my yoga gear and went to class. It was the commitment to this challenge that kept me on track and pushing myself.

I've spent many a minute in shavasna - laying there with my own thoughts, meditating and trying to come to terms with some of the renewed changes in my life.  I've pledged things to myself, I have been kind & forgiving but there were also the moments I have also been hard on myself.  We are our own worst critic at times.  I found myself angry for not remaining true to the promises I made when T & I split up.  That over the past few years, when I finally felt ok to open my heart up again, I wasn't as diligent to ensure it's safe keeping.  I went a bit willy-nilly with it if you will.... It's ironic to me how people can chase after something so hard and then the moment that it is within their grasp they let go and let it fly away.  It's almost as though the chase is the part that is most important to them.  Why must some people always make a game out of loving someone else? I realize again that I am not in control of anyone else's actions but my own.  I can make the promises to myself again to ensure my own well being.

So what did I learn in this 30day GYY Challenge.... 

I am strong. 
I am committed. 
I am open to love.  
I can only control my own actions & reactions.  
I need to let go of what doesn't serve me.  

It's funny how much you can learn about yourself when you take the time to make yourself a priority.  I feel honoured to have become a part of this yoga sangha and to have met so many inspiring people who have walked all paths of life.  I have pushed myself further that I thought I could go.  I have accomplished poses I never thought I could hold.  I can see clearly the improvements physically and mentally.   I think it's important that we all find a way to recognize our own strength because truly it has to come from within.  People will continue to take advantage.  People will play games or try to make you feel unworthy but within ourselves we can know the truth. And in the end, it really is the truth that guides us.  

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