04 September 2015

the arrow

This past weekend was Yoga 4 Hope - a day long fundraising initiative to assist people battling chronic illness.  I spent 6 hours total on my mat being led by different instructors and practicing poses that were both familiar and new to me.  My body was completely exhausted by the end and yet there was a part within me that felt renewed.  I thought of last year's event when after months of isolation I was able to practice with Allie and give her a giant hug. I remember her frail body and yet a spirit so strong.  This year I of course sent my practice out to her but also to other fighters in my life and in the lives of those who I care about. 

That many hours on your yoga mat afford you some time to practice gratitude.  Some days it's hard not to want for more and to be just content with what you have in your life.  To be happy to have a healthy body that can do 6 hours of yoga and meditate.  I have to be honest, there are times when I feel like I am stuck in this circle of perpetual waiting and I'm sick of waiting.  I want to share my life with someone.  I want to have a family with someone. I want to have a home and plan vacations and get kids ready for back to school. I want to have finished going through the "process" and get there.  Maybe it's just my own personality but I feel like when I look at those around me there are some friends who just seem to have it all figured out. Perhaps they do. Or perhaps they are just living day to day without any sort of introspection or growth.  Perhaps it is only by going through these challenges that we accept who we truly are.  Maybe the process is more important than the outcome. 

We are constantly learning - about ourselves and about those in our life.  Sometimes it is in teaching others that we learn more about ourselves.  While we search for perfection, we come to realize that we ourselves are all inherently flawed.  There is no such thing as "perfection." So perhaps in practicing gratitude for what I do have in my life and for the sheer fact that I am going through the process rather than coasting through my life, I will enjoy the journey far more than the outcome.  Perhaps i need to also practice Patience in that what is meant to be will come in the proper time and Acceptance that as much as I want to run down the path, it will come I cannot speed it along.  That just like the arrow, I must be pulled back in order to keep moving forward.  

ps. I think I just decided on my next tattoo......  

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