04 September 2015

the post it.....

As most women in their 30's & 40's will attest, there is a familiarity with the characters of Sex and the City that allow us to feel as though our lives are not spinning out of control; that there are others, whether they be real or fictional, who struggle daily with issues that are similar to our own.  It gives us temporary reassurance that we are not slowly losing our minds as we try to find love. That we are most certainly NOT alone.   There have been other moments in my writing where I make the correlation from Sex & the City to my own life such as the My Charlotte post that still kinda makes me cry because I'm so lucky to have my own Charlotte. Not sure why I am thinking so much of this show as of late, perhaps because I was recently gifted the entire series on DVD which has been my main source of pre-sleep entertainment.  

This week I've been feeling the "Post It Note" breakup. Faced with our current way of dating, we can talk with someone for months forming something of what I like to call the "non-relationship". You meet online and could possibly never even physically meat during this "non-relationship!" Perhaps you share parts of yourself both emotionally and physically but nothing is ever really clarified as to the direction or definition of what exists between you.  It's sorta a relationship but not really. You've connected your life via texting & social media & briefly hanging out but is it definable?  It's totally weird and you don't really know where you stand and I hate it. It's like a constant state of rrelationship limbo.  Then comes end of a "non-relationship" which is usually in either ghosting (where one or both parties just drop off the face of the earth without a goodbye) or by text message; not unlike when Carrie received Bergers break up Post It note.  

What gets me is that when something just abruptly ends, you never get any final closure.  It seems almost cowardly to just walk away without acknowledging that someone was in your life. I've been quite vocal with my thoughts on always saying I Love You and making the time to tell people who come into your life why you think they are great.  This may sound weird to a lot of people as it really makes you put your heart out there on the line but truly in the end, if we make someone's day by telling them how we see them as wonderful people or how they have changed our life, where is the harm? They don't need to say it back to us, that's not the point.  There just needs to be that moment where we acknowledge how each person along our path has made a difference.  

To the left are some of my favourite lyrics from the musical Wicked. I remember seeing this play when Tim & I first separated and I was internally struggling with ending my marriage.  This song hit a certain part of my heart and told me that perhaps this was where I needed to let go. That I had to move forward with my life and be happy - only I was in charge of making that happen.  I had the choice to "cry because it was over or smile because it happened." I was grateful for all the love and people and experiences that I had with Tim but I knew deep down I wasn't happy and it was time.  That his part in my story had come to an end. 

I believe that everyone we share a part of our life with changes us, gives us something or teaches us about ourselves. And inversely we affect their lives in much the same way.  This was something that Mesia brought up in our yoga practice the other day, reflecting on the words of Dr.  Wayne Dyer.  We are all put on this earth and connected together in order to effect change of some sort.  The only way to truly keep moving forward is to acknowledge perhaps why a certain person has come into your life.  Have they taught your or vice versa? Are they a paragraph, a chapter or part of your whole story?

This long rambling post was supposed to have some sort of message....That message seems to be escaping me now ha ha! Well let's just end it with this.  If you like someone say it.  If they have taught you something or helped you to grow in some way, let them know.  If you aren't really into someone, say it don't ghost them as that is just mean and kinda weird.  If you are online dating don't be discouraged by all the weirdos out there.  If you are have been ghosted or post-it noted say your own little goodbye in your head and let them go - they weren't worth the effort and that paragraph had to end.  Keep moving forward.  Keep your heart open.  Love freely.  Wear protection!

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