19 October 2015

no words

I cannot begin to describe the feeling in me right now. My heart feels both broken and so very full at the very same moment.  Without warning, my father passed away so suddenly it does not yet feel real.  Without suffering or illness, he is just gone.  Our family forever altered. So many memories have flooded through these past few days as we both laugh and cry, telling stories and looking through photographs to prepare for his funeral.  We have been blessed with so much - he was not without his faults but overall my dad was a great man.  It is clearly shown through the amount of love sent from family, friends, colleagues and even his favourite bakery!  I am comforted by each simple text, email, facebook message or phone call.  Each person who has taken a moment out of their lives to send condolences, check in to see how we are doing or simply to let us know they are thinking of us.  This is what is carrying us through.  It may seem insignificant but just having someone say we are in their thoughts means the world. It has been nothing short of a whirlwind making plans and taking care of my mom.  Tonight is the first time I've sat by myself and it's starting to sink in.  I know I need to write tonight - I need to begin a eulogy for Wednesday but I don't know where to begin.  At this moment all I want is to wrap my arms around my dad one last time and hear him say "love you kid". I have no words..... 

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