18 November 2015

These two....

So much love in one photograph.  These two were buds! This is exactly how he spent his last day, just 1 month ago now.  It's hard to believe a month has already passed - it still doesn't quite feel real.  But for some reason today is a very tough day.  It's dismal and raining and I'm drowning in Christmas decorations at the store.  Everything feels kind of overwhelming today.  

Today is Davis' official first birthday.  At this exact time last year we were secretly sitting in the hospital waiting room for him to arrive.  I just remember that moment when they wheeled Rawna out and she was holding him like a tiny baby burrito.  There was so much love.  So much joy.  Both my parents were exstatic to become grandparents finally.  The minute I held him I whispered "I will love you forever" and I felt like my heart was about to burst.  Every smile.  Every time he reaches up to come to me.  Every time he snuggles his head on my shoulder.  I fall in love over and over and over.  If I never get to be a mother, my heart will be forever full with this little dude. 

It's a big difference what a year makes.  We have had so many happy moments together as a family, especially with this little nugget making us smile.  I just feels wrong today that he misses this but we have to hope that he's now his guardian angel and keeping him safe.  Today is just a hard day.  Today I miss my dad like I can't even explain. All I can do is just feel it.  There will be a jar of icing in my future this evening.  Just me and my spoon....


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