30 December 2015

wine & carbohydrates....

Today is one of those dark, dreary days where the sun never did shine.  This week has been grey and yucky with freezing rain & we've barely seen the sun.  All I want to do is consume wine & carbohydrates.  Seriously.  Like red wine paired with mac 'n cheese.  And cookies.

This annual tradition of penning New Year's Notes to people around me has begun.  This week it felt good to spend time inside writing.  Maybe it is because of losing my dad so unexpectedly or maybe it's the influence of a special, brave friend that passed earlier in the year, but I'm even more sentimental that usual.  I find it interesting to write my New Years notes this year.  There have been quite a few people who have impacted me that I want to reach out to.  There have been a few who have touched my heart.  There are those I love dearly that maybe I don't tell just enough and need to be reminded.  There are people I barely know but whom are struggling and I think could use a few special words. There is no stipulation about length of time that someone must be in my life to receive a note, nor a depth of love.  I do suppose that as I have said many times before, that once you have entered my heart you have a space there forever.  We could not talk for years, but if you needed me I would be there.  There are a few people that I'm writing to this year and I'm not sure how they will take these words.  I can only hope that they are received in the manor that they are intended.  The point is simple - to put love and positivity into the universe. To help others view the good things in themselves that are often overlooked or that we don't think others have noticed.  What better way to either close or begin the year than with kind words.  

We don't say it enough to people - we are always so afraid to be open because we are inherently afraid of rejection. But what kind of life is that that we are so afraid to be honest with people? Time and time again, I am reminded that life is indeed too short. Losing Steve, losing Iain, losing Dad - all reminders.  The scare of my life of being in NYC for Sept 11. All these events, a constant reminder that tomorrow is never promised to us. We do not know when or if we will ever get the chance to say I Love You.  Just the other day, one of my customers that I was messaging re: an order at the store remarked to me that she was always happy to receive a note from me that ended in "xo".  Honestly, it's just how I sign off and sometimes I forget the impact that it can make.  It's just so simple.  Put love - of all kinds - in the universe, all the damn time. 

I've posted this "philosophy" of mine a few times on this blog like my Love is Everything post when Soph was worried to tell 'Gary' that she loved him too soon.  I read an article today that reviewed my basic way of thinking for these notes. (Sometimes reading becomes as much a part of my writing as anything else.) The post basically said that life is too short and sometimes we cannot see the impact that we make on others or perhaps we do not see in the mirror what others can see when they look at us.  We so often go though life not telling people that we love them or that we miss them because we fear rejection.  Or for fear that those feelings are not reciprocated.  I don't want to live with any regret. I don't say I Love You to hear it back (as nice as that is).  I say it because I mean it, because it's how I feel. I know that tomorrow is not guarenteed. I would rather fear looking stupid to someone then have them live their life completely unaware of how they may have impacted my life.  What if we could give someone a kind word every day that makes them feel better about themselves? Would then they pay that forward and continue spreading the kindness? Would they love themselves a little bit more if they could see themselves through other eyes?

We are all very hard on ourselves and competitive with each other - shouldn't our goal in life should be to build each other up??  Why should we feel awkward about seeing the good qualities in someone and telling them what we see? Sometimes those are the hardest things to see in ourselves, especially if we are going through a challenging time in our life.  It is an inherent human quality to want to connect with others - family, friends, neighbours, lovers.  But in order to make that connection it requires that we take chances with our heart.  We all, in some way, need to remove ego from the equation and just allow ourselves to be honest with each other. Are we really willing to walk away from potential relationships because we are afraid to risk it and put ourselves out there? Are we ok with watching a dear friend walk away because we are too worried about our own ego of saying "I'm sorry" first.  We take for granted that our mom or our siblings know how much we love them & appreciate them.  

I guess there is the chance that my words can be taken the wrong way or people could think that by saying I care about them, that I'm some sort of stalker that's head over heels in love when I'm not.  I suppose it's the chance I take.  I'm pretty hopeful that people know me well enough to understand that I'm just a sentimental fool that wants to share the love, one New Years Note at a time..... xoxo 

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