My intention in Yin the other night was to be present. Simple. Challenging.
I think I'm coming to the realization that I need reciprocation in relationships. It cannot be just me that reaches out their hand. I need you to ask about my day and check in to say goodnight. I want you to want to lay next to me and hold me or tell me a story when I can't fall asleep. I want you to ask me about my nightmare because you truly care about what is worrying me. I want you to want to hold my hand in the car and let me curl up next to you on the couch. I want you to ask how I am doing and make me feel like I can actually tell you. That I don't have to be afraid to cry because I fear looking weak. I don't want the same relationships I had before. I want a partner. I want someone to say "Yes come with me on an adventure!" I want to be with someone where spending time with me would make them happy.
So if I am living in the present moment, I need to focus my heart towards the one who wants to call and hear my voice. The one who says "let's go" when I mention a vacation or a restaurant that I want to try. Enjoy each conversation for what it is and not where it is going. Relax and take a step back and exhale. Let life be. Let each moment come. Enjoy. Focus. Live in the moment. xo