10 October 2016


They come in all shapes and sizes.  They are both tangible and intangible.  They are lengthy and they are fleeting but none the less, they are there.  

This weekend is Thanksgiving and yesterday we came together to celebrate as a family - which was also JC's first holiday experience with the fam jam.  It was a great day - it started with pancakes and a bike ride together enjoying a brisk yet bright fall morning.  Then some baking, reading and relaxing in the sunshine before dinner.  It was a bittersweet kind of day, because as with all the important days and many of the just regular days, I missed Dad. Last Thanksgiving was the last time I saw my dad alive.  It was the last time I wrapped my arms around him and snuggled in for a hug.  The last time I heard the words "Love you Kid" besides in my dreams.  It feels like that day was last week, not last year.  I remember the exact interaction from that day.  It's hard to believe that next week marks a year.  As it gets closer I feel like my heart hurts just a little bit more.  There were a lot of tears yesterday thinking of him - thinking of all the things we were thankful for a year ago and all of the new blessings to keep in our hearts this year.  

I am so very grateful that my family is close - I can't imagine not having all the memories I have with them or just the comfort of all being in the same room together, sharing a meal with laughter and so much love.  I see friends who dread seeing their family on holidays and I can't imagine what my life would be like without all these crazy people.  I know that I am blessed by having them.  That as hard as things may be - times like losing dad - that everyone steps up and comes together.  We are blessed to have each other and no holiday goes by without realizing just how lucky I am.  

If I count my blessings this year, here are my top five for 2016:
1. A healthy body - something we take for granted too much.  I need to remember to fuel my body with good foods and less treats.  I will find my grove with running again and continue to grow my yoga practice to celebrate this blessing. 
2. My family - without whom I wouldn't be the person I am. They are loud, and crazy and love so fiercely that I know that they have my back no matter what.  I could never have gotten through any of my life's challenges to date without them at my side.
3. JC - for a friendship that has turned into romance, with a man who is kind, and smart and downright adorable.  I am grateful for the way he makes me laugh, for the way he says good morning to strangers, for his indulgence to always build me a campfire and slow dance in the dark before bed. 
4. My co-workers - they have reminded me what it feels like to be a part of a team and have welcomed me to theirs with open arms.  They are sweet and generous people and I am lucky to share my days with them. 
5. My yoga mat - it has been a place of solitude and meditation.  I have come to my mat to get through heartbreak, to gain clarity, and to regain perspective.  It is on my mat where I have reminded myself to stay present and to live with the goal of contentment.  I have cried tears and I have found joy on my mat.  I discover parts of me with each practice and for that I am extremely grateful.  

These are just a few of what fills my heart today.  I hope that whomever may stumble upon this takes a moment to list your blessings too.  Let's try to remember what warms our hearts every day and to say I Love You as much as you feel it because life changes in the blink of an eye.  I am grateful for that last hug with my dad a year ago.  I hope that on this beautiful day that he was shining down on us.  That just maybe he was soaring overhead during my bike ride, or watching us all sit down for a meal together.  I hope that wherever his spirit may be, that he knows how much we all love him and miss him.  

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