Yoga has always has been about creating space - in my mind, in my heart and in my body. I have set goals to focus on certain poses in hopes to continually challenge myself and I have realized over and over that it is not through the success or attainment, but in the journey towards. It is the same as love - it's not about being in love, it's in the falling and getting to know someone in your heart. It is acceptance that not all days are going to be good days and there will be times of struggle, but what is most important is how we chose to live each moment. We can chose love or we can choose hate. We can choose peace over strife, and courage over fear.
At our opening "wedding" we chose words for our partners based on what we were hoping to get out of this challenge and the word I was given was PEACE. It may not have been what I would have chose for myself, but now in retrospect it was absolutely perfect. As this quote says, it is not about being without noise or trouble but to be in the midst of struggle and be calm in your heart.
At the closing ceremony, we went around in a circle stating a highlight of the challenge, what we are taking with us, and what we are leaving behind. We placed a bindi on the forehead of the person next to us and shared parts of our hearts. There was so much love in that studio - it's almost hard to describe.
The parts of this challenge that are my highlights were the workshops. Getting back to the roots, the girls taught us about the Hindu deities and their influence in yoga. It was interesting to learn more about the history and how the stories translate into the poses. It wasn't just about the physical practice this time - it was about going deeper and learning about how this asana is more than movement. For me, it was about finding the calm in my heart.
I had a few really good revelations as well. I have now seen how hindsight is 20/20 and sometimes the best thing we can do is step back from something in order to truly see it. I have learned in reflection that I need to focus on always staying present rather than rushing ahead. I thought that I was afraid to fall in love but I realize in my heart I am just a true romantic who wears her heart on her sleeve. I was holding back to protect myself rather than be myself. I have fallen in love with the people that I practice next to. I have fallen in love with the peace that I feel. I feel like my purpose on this earth is to love. There is a part of me that does believe I was meant to love JC, perhaps if only for him to see that he also deserves to be taken care of. Finding peace is allowing me to realize that his journey is his own and as much as I'd like to be by his side, it may not be my place. It's ok that I have love for him because he is a wonderful man. I'm going to stop apologizing or excusing the fact that he has taken up space in my heart. I can just hope that he always knows that I love him. I have faith in that what is truly meant to be, find a way of coming together.
I don't want to be a scared person - I want to be me. Positive, eternally optimistic, perhaps a bit kooky but full of love. That is what I have to offer to a partner. I will do sweet things for them and my gifts will all be full of thought and from my heart. I will love them for all the good that I see in them, perhaps beyond what they even see for themselves. I will love them, their children, their families, and their friends because they are a part of them and the people in our world are the best part of life. I will always want to hold their hands and kiss their face and tell them how wonderful it is to have them in my life. I will always want to wish them well when they travel and want to know when their plane lands. I want to know how their mother is feeling and how their day was at work - in every complete detail. I will want to talk through every struggle and I will want to make their days happy. This is how I love. I don't need someone to love me back in this same way - I just need someone who loves me in the best way that they know how. Someone who looks at me doing something silly or telling some story and realizes that I just make them happy. I want someone to love the girl that just wants to snuggle by a fire and who loves to twirl around in the snow when the big, fluffy flakes finally arrive. Someone to love walking into a room with me on their arm and be grateful that I will befriend everyone there if possible - I'll remember the names of all their clients & colleagues wives and/or kids because they are all relationships. Because this is my purpose - I am meant to love. I am meant to be in instrument of peace and hope that the light within me will honour those next to me in heart, in my life and on my mat.