24 November 2016

Rise Above....

If you are lucky enough to have a friend like my Jess then you will understand every word of this post. I often refer to her as My Charlotte and wrote this original post on her love when I first moved back to Canada. Today her good morning text to me was to listen to the song Rise Above which she has decided is her new theme song to deal with a few things happening in her family.  I think tshis kind of fits appropriately with my post on how certain music can touch our hearts.  

Since today is Thanksgiving for our neighbours to the South, I wanted to put some gratitude into the world.  There are things I don't say thank you for enough so, Oswald these words are for you: 

Thank you for your truth when I have to go to my first funeral after losing my dad and I ask you crazy questions like "Will I have an anxiety attack every time someone dies now?"  You don't look at me like I'm crazy - you just say yes and then wrap your arms around me.  You tell me that it's going to suck and that I will now feel the kind of empathy that makes my heart hurt.  You reassure me that it's normal that my heart feels broken on days like my birthday because I want my dad there with me. You honestly tell me that time will eventually numb it but the ache will never leave. 

Thank you for being there when I need you, not only when it's convenient for you.  When I text you and tell you that I just had my heart broken and it's Friday at 11pm, your first response is "I'll be over in 10 min".  I then spend the next 30min pleading with you not to and telling you I'm fine, that I just need to cry and drink wine and you make me promise not to take a bath or sleeping pills. 

For being real and honest and telling me sometimes that the dream of having a house and 2 kids and a husband is society's fucked up way of putting stupid pressure on us and that I don't need to feel like a failure.  For telling me that life begins at 40 and what a great time to reinvent one's self even though that is total bullshit and I know you wouldn't trade your life in a heartbeat. Because sometimes it is about making the other person feel like they aren't sucking at life.   

For indulging me when I feel most unlovable (which has been often lately) and answering me truthfully when I ask you why you love me? 

For wiping my tears when life sucks.  It sucks a lot less knowing you've got my back and I can actually let my guard down and cry that god-forsaken ugly cry.  For you telling me it's going to be ok and for the times when you didn't know what to say but you just hand me kleenex and refill my wine. 

For understanding when I tell you that I lost my mind in the middle of my run and had a crying breakdown along the waterfront. You let me love openly, loudly and remind me that we are all a little crazy.  

For kicking me in the ass with a reality check that my life isn't so bad and I need to limit my self-hatred a bit and realize that I am healthy and alive and that should be enough for me.  

Thank you for knowing when something is wrong with me even if I won't admit it to you.  And for being such a good friend that you will not let it rest until you get it out of me.  

For always coming up with theme songs for parts of my life and for dreaming up your one-liners to tell the boys who have broken my heart.  

Thank you for being happy with me when things go right.   For celebrating every victory, small or large. For telling me that I am wonderful, even though there are moments where I am not. For holding my hand and for kicking my ass.  For lifting me up and carrying me through.  There is nothing that I can't get through in my life because I have my Charlotte there by my side, ready to love me fiercely and with all of her beautiful heart.  

If I have done one thing right in this life, it is to have surrounded myself with amazing friends and family who remind me that the true beauty in life is love, in every shape and form.  I am truly one lucky girl. xo 

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