02 December 2016

the passing of time...

There are some moments where you just realize that life is truly fragile and that time passes so quickly.  I found out this morning that my cousin suffered a heart attack last night (he is now stable & recovering from surgery).  Tonight I will spend time with Peggy before another surgery and more cancer treatment.  Earlier this week, we got the news that another friend's cancer is terminal.  Life can change in the blink of an eye.  Please - if there is anyone out there that actually reads these words - say I Love You more to the people in your life, hold hands, give long hugs and never take for granted that tomorrow is a promised day.  

Christie is the only other friend who is up at the crack of dawn with me and sometimes we have the best conversations during those early hours - before the rest of the world wakes up.  This morning was no different.  I woke up to a lengthy text message from her chalk full of love and exactly what I needed to hear today. It's funny sometimes how friends can sometimes see the things in you that you are struggling to see.  At at time where I kinda feel overwhelmed and I don't feel brave at all, her words telling me how I have inspired her to try new things and push herself beyond what she ever thought she could accomplish touched my heart.  She said that she has just been thinking about me and how I have handled life over the past decade.  How in the face of adversity, I have always tried to be generous and kind.  And there has been a lot - infertility, divorce, moves back and forth across the ocean, moves of my businesses, a few bad dating relationships, losing Dad, losing Paco even and now a few new changes.  It sometimes surprises me when I think of how quickly the years have gone by since I moved back to Canada.  Today I thought a lot about all the ups and downs during that time - all the growth and all lessons learned.  Talking to DJ today helped to refocus my thoughts on just wanting to stay present in this moment - enjoy things day to day.  I want to keep my heart open to whomever is meant to join me on this adventure.  I want to accept that the Universe has a plan for me and for my life and, as much as I think I know who and what would be best for me, I have to relinquish trying to control it and allow things to be. 

With my 40th birthday approaching in less than a year, I started to make a list of a few things that I want to accomplish prior to that milestone.  I leave myself the wiggle room to make changes as needed through the year but for the sake of keeping myself accountable, I wanted to list them into the Universe to make them real. 

1.  Yoga under the stars 
2.  Chicago Architecture Boat Tour 
3.  Ski or Snowboard down a non-bunny hill 
4.  Have something published 
5.  Say I Love You to someone 
6.  Re-climb Grosse Mountain in less than 2 hours 
7.  Visit a new province 
8.  Go to the Zoo or Aquarium 
9.  Try Korean Food 
10. Learn proper Italian 
11. Go on a Yoga Retreat 
12. Run a full marathon 
13. Go on an impromptu road trip 
14. See the Tigers play outside of Detroit 
15. Learn to write my name in Calligraphy 
16. Teach Davis something 
17. Take a roll of pictures with Dad's camera 
18. Ride in a helicopter 
19. Go to a ball game in a different city 
20. Read Little Women 
21. Open champagne on a weeknight 
22. Run a 2hr half marathon 
23. Watch stand-up comedy 
24. Sew a dress for myself 
25. See live ballet 
26. Take a spa day 
27. Ride a trolley 
28. Go to a Drive-In movie 
29. Skinny Dip 
30. Do something that scares me
31. Host a dinner party 
32. Watch all Best Picture nominees 
33. Build for Habitat 
34. Go on a picnic 
35. Go fishing 
36. Ice Skate on an outdoor pond 
37. Hike a mountain 
38. Try surfing 
40. Attend a live concert

I accept that life doesn't always go the way that we have imagined and that sometimes the best-laid plans don't mean shit.  More and more I see how much yoga and meditation have found their way into my daily routine as I strive to live more presently and with gratitude.  There is a part of me that can't wait to open my gratefulness jar in a few weeks and write my New Years notes to people who have made a difference in my life this year.  I don't want to focus on the things I wish for in my life, but rather appreciate all the wonderful people and experiences that I have been blessed with.  I remember at Allie's funeral and how Christie and I sat there, holding hands and trying to sing You Are My Sunshine, with tears streaming down our faces. At the wake, I remember listening to Jeremy and thinking how I would be so lucky to ever have someone love me that much.  We all have "Be Brave" on us somewhere to carry on her spirit and I needed to be reminded of that today - life doesn't go the way we hope or plan but true grace is facing whatever comes with kindness.  The sometimes courage is just the whisper that says "I will try again tomorrow." Be happy for today internet world.  Love big.  Be honest.  Be kind.  Don't be afraid to share your heart.  xo 

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