26 March 2017

the art of racing in the rain

Last night I went to celebrate the birthday of the first boy that stole my heart.  As we begin this year of 40, it is just the beginning of numerous parties and celebrations.  It was nice though, to see him and his family and friends from that part of my life.  Amazing how quickly 25 years can pass.  I do feel very grateful that, (spare 1 very abusive relationship,) I have stayed pretty great friends with every boy that I have dated.  Our loves are perhaps just moments in time, stops along a great path to get us to our ultimate love. I just think that once you share something so intimate as your heart with someone, there will always be a piece of you attached to each other.

My gift to Rich was a copy of my favourite book, The Art of Racing in The Rain by Garth Stein.  This book is written from the perspective of Enzo the dog, whose "human" was a race car driver and many of the lessons taught in the subtext of the book were given in the context of racing.  One of my favourites was "In the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make." What we put out is what we receive back.  And there is no dishonour in losing, it is only in never trying.  Which is equatable to love - we cannot be afraid to love because we have a fear of it not working out.  If we never try, we will certainly never succeed or receive love.  "That which you manifest, is before you." We are the creators of our own destiny.  Life, like race car driving, isn't only about going fast or winning.  The importance of living well is staying present and enjoying each moment.  Racing in the rain is about balance, anticipation and perspective.  Rain is an obstacle, and we will always have obstacles in our lives but it doesn't mean that we have to stop racing, living, or loving.   My birthday wish to him was love and peace and the ability to stay present and enjoy every moment that life has to offer.  I am thankful that he loved me so much all those years ago. 

I have to say it was a lovely experience to get to hug my first love.  I don't think that many get to have that.  I am grateful to have had that heart experience all those years ago, at a time that I definitely wasn't ready to accept the love that he wanted to give me.  It overwhelmed me then, that someone could care so much about me.  As we enter this milestone year, I think it's natural that we get a bit more introspective and think about where we are in our lives, what we have and what we desire.  And that isn't necessarily a bad thing to step back and evaluate.  Hopefully by looking at all that we have to be grateful for, we can find satisfaction in our present state rather than always worry about the future or wish for what is to come.  Sometimes it is important to stand still. Being still is necessary before moving forward. Stillness allows us to be satisfied with our current state, with what we have and where we are on our journey.  Perhaps we all need a bit more stillness to be grateful and present.  Perhaps that these moments and reflections are not only the gifts I choose give to others, but that they are a gift to myself in the same moment as I learn and grow.  Perhaps the gift isn't in the receiving, but in the giving. 

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