05 July 2017

no words....

There are approximately 8 posts sitting here in my draft folder - partially written, thoughts all over the place.  They are about both wonderful & challenging snippets of my life that have happened over the past eight weeks.  The moments in them are happy, thankful, and contemplative, though at times also confused.  For one of the first times in my life, I have had writers block, or at least that is what I have self-diagnosed my inability to complete a written thought. I don't know how to explain it really - sometimes, when the words in my head are too many, sometimes there aren't enough, or I can't seem to get them out and then I lose focus.  I've had the worst pain in my neck since April and after a very lovely Reiki treatment, Sarah asked me if I've been holding something back, and the answer is yes I have words that are stuck in my throat.  I don't know where the best place is to start, except that my goal every day is simply to remain present so that is where I will attempt to begin.  Here & now.  What is on my mind and in my heart today? I shall go forward from here.  (My apologies in advance for any onslaught of completed posts).

We've just passed the midway point to the year and last night in yin, my mind went to reflecting on this.  Am I "living" my word for 2017? Am I in fact being courageous and stepping outside of my comfort zone? Am I crossing things off my 'forty in the year of 40' list? Am I looking at my vision board and manifesting what I want into my life? It's the check in point and I'm asking myself where I am at.  Seems the perfect place to pick up where I have left off in the past few months of writers block.  Have I been lacking courage by not actually allowing what I've been feeling to materialize into words? Until they are written, are they in fact true? 

The ironic thing to me is that over the last few weeks, when I have struggled to focus, I've had a few friends who have comment to me that I have inspired them.  For the life of me I can't see how.  To be completely honest, I sometimes lie on my mat each night and wonder how I got through the day. I can't even fathom how I have affected others in such a positive light.  There have been moments in the past few months where I felt like I was barely holding on, seeking inspiration more than I think giving it.  Perception is an interesting beast - where we see ourselves may not always equate to how others do.  

So here we are already in July and I spent some time with my "list" today making revisions to ensure that what I am including are things that challenge me, move me forward and are an example of my word for the year. OK, let's be honest some things are also completely random and just for fun but that is what life is about right?! To date, I've only crossed off 5 so I've got a bit of work to do.  But I can't stay stuck - I need to let go of these past few months of smog and jump back into my life.  It's ok to stumble, but you have to get back up.  So.... here I am, getting back up and to keep myself accountable I'm sharing my list with others (slightly revised from v1).  Here we go..... 

Yoga under the stars 
Chicago Architecture Boat Tour 
Ride on a motorcycle
Have something published 
Say I Love You 
Climb a mountain 
Visit a new province 
Sleep under the stars (in a tent!) 
Try Korean Food 
Learn proper Italian 
Go on a Yoga Retreat 
Watch Star Wars 
Go on an impromptu road trip 
Visit a Cider Mill for a tasting  
Learn to write my name in Calligraphy 
Learn how to curl my hair 
Take a roll of pictures with Dad's camera 
Ride in a helicopter 
Make a retirement plan  
Read Little Women
Open bubbly on a weeknight 
Hold a headstand & handstand for three full breaths 
Bungee jump/sky dive/zip line
Sew a dress for myself 
See live ballet/Cirque/Rockettes
Take a spa day 
Travel solo & stay in a hostel 
Go to a Drive-In movie 
Skinny Dip 
Do something that scares me
Host a dinner party & use my "good plates" 
Learn an instrument
Perform in front of people
Train for something  
Go on a picnic 
Ice Skate on an outdoor pond 
Get my arrow tattoo & finish Dad's
Try surfing 
Buy a car for myself
Attend a live outdoor concert

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